well, it's here. finals week.
i don't know if i've ever been so stressed academically as i am now. i really thought i was going to perform a lot better this semester than i did, and with the intention of graduating in spring, that's weighing heavily on me. i'm not going to sit here and lie to you guys, i could've gone to class more, and participated more. but i can't do anything about it now, and it hurts to know that i could've done something earlier.
i tried my best, and my mental health took a toll that i wasn't anticipating. for the sake of complete transparency, i have a bald spot the size of my hand on the top of my head. i have trichotillomania which a lot of people don't know anything about, unless you have dermatillomania. trichotillomania is a hair pulling "body-focused repetitive behavior" and dermatillomania is skin picking. at the beginning of the semester, i had a full head of hair, now not so much.
i actually bought a wig from Bellami which i've been wearing consistently. it helps so that i don't touch my own hair and whatnot. i've been using it to buy myself time for my hair to grow back. in that regard, i feel pretty good that i've been able to help myself.
but academically, i feel like i'm not good enough. especially compared to who i used to be. i used to be a 4.0 student in high school, but college really is a different beast. i might have to take 21 credits to graduate in the spring and i'm scared.
it feels really weird to admit to a bunch of people on the internet that i'm scared. hopefully about something that won't matter in the long run. i'm going to try to find something productive to do, and i'll update you guys when i'm back home.
xo ally
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